Friday, 11 November 2011

At the Movies: Showing this weekend

Going Up? (18) - A friendship which revolved around similar working hours and a shared love of the fifth floor takes a turn for the worse when one of the protagonists admits to a bad rape. Co-starring Steve Martin and John Candy's husk. (by J. Bognoir)

Don't Meet Joe Black (15) - Joe’s back on the market but a toxic blend of basic character flaws - including regularly turning up to dates with no trousers on - significantly hinder his progress. Entertaining sequel starring Robson Green.

Blind Ambition (12A) - In an effort to understand his new blind girlfriend, a man decides to spend his entire Sunday blindfolded while still attempting to complete his usual tasks around the home, including building a loft extension. Rom-com starring Tim Allen as Oops Peterson.

Mr Unpopular (15) - Following a tough, lonely but ultimately life-changing week, Derek Onetwothreefour (Zach Galifianakis) decides to hang himself using a noose made from fresh spaghetti. Also featuring Diane Keaton as Mrs Hubris, his inquisitive yet soulless neighbour and landlady. Soundtrack by Ja Rule and Flo Rida. (by Cactus Bear)

Saturday morning kidz' klub:

The Snowman
(U) - Modern-day reimagining of the fantastical Christmas animation, starring Mel Gibson and Danny Glover.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

What I ate yesterday: Judy Finnigan

Judy represents one half of Britain’s best loved husband and wife presenting team, Judy & Richard. Her most memorable moment came in 2000, when she unveiled her charms at the 6th annual National Television Awards.

I got up at 5 o'clock in the morning and cooked a roast, with all the trimmings. By the time it was ready I didn’t really fancy it, so I threw it all away before Richard got up. He’d be nothing without me.



Friday, 15 July 2011

At the Movies: Showing this weekend

Downfather (12A) - A brooding look at Scottish tower block demolitions over the last thirty years set to a looped terrorcore version of Hanson’s MMMBop.

On Bended Knee (PG) - A man addicted to proposing to women encounters problems after developing severe arthritis, forcing his pet cat Hogan (voiced by Jackie Chan) to step up to the plate. James Van Der Beek stars.

Control 2 (18) - Enigmatic Joy Division singer Ian Curtis storms back to life in this uplifting documentary.

Biff Untitled Back to the Future Spin-Off Sequel (TBA) - Biff Tannen bites into a jacket potato and discovers, to his great dismay, that instead of the usual carb treat he's accidently bitten into solidified horse faeces. McFlyyyyy!!! (by J. Bognoir)

Saturday morning kidz' klub:

Cool Runnings 2: Limbo Fever
(PG) - The Norwegian ski team crash-land in Jamaica and are blackmailed into competing in the national limbo championships. Can Coach James Avery turn a group of uptight Scandinavians into limber limbo lovers? You betcha, mon! Stars The Fresh Prince of Bel Air’s 'Uncle Phil' and none of the original cast.

Wednesday, 29 June 2011

What I ate yesterday: Tim Henman

Tiger Henman is Britain’s favourite ever unsuccessful sportsman. He is currently part of the commentary team for the BBC’s coverage of the 2011 Wimbledon Championships.

Every morning as soon as I awake, I run down to the kitchen and pour myself a big bowl of Frosties. Lucy, my wife, doesn’t like it when I do this, as I occasionally get a bit carried away and spill the milk. She likes to tell me she’s better at serving than I am to try and wind me up. I try not to take the bait but it’s hard.

I’d been asked to appear in a promotional film for Children in Need, but I didn’t really feel like it so I stayed in and watched cartoons. My wife is a great cook so for lunch she made wild Heinz tomato soup, complimented by some delicious Ritz crackers. As I'd eaten most of the packet the day before, Lucy unfortunately had to go without.

After lunch, I started reading Richard Hammond’s autobiography which had been given to me the previous Christmas. I gave it 100%, but just couldn’t get into it so I threw it in the fire. Lucy and I had a minor disagreement over what we were having for dinner and she started crying so I decided to leave her to it and go upstairs. I spent a few hours reorganising my wardrobe before putting on my favourite tape of crowd noises and slowly tucking into a banana in front of the mirror.

Friday, 20 May 2011

At the Movies: Showing this weekend

Go Figure (15) - A man, abducted and locked up for 20 minutes without reason, is suddenly released and told he must solve ten thousand intermediate level Sudoku puzzles in order to find out why it was done to him. Nicolas Cage stars.

Does it Really Matter? (U) – Dame Dench gives a moving portrayal of an aging Ellen MacArthur, determined to circumnavigate the world’s oceans in a modified NHS wheelchair despite limited public interest. Co-starring nobody. (by Cactus Bear)

Schoolboy Error (12A) - Historian Michael Friday (Kevin Spacey) is tasked with completing the unfinished memoirs of a famous local headmaster but accidentally tip-exes most of it out.

Dude, Where’s My Legs? (15) – Comedy war film. After a particularly heavy night on the sauce, Robson Green and Danny Dyer wake to find they’ve time-travelled back to the beaches of Normandy in this enjoyable British remake.

We Need to Talk About Willis (15) – Domestic fantasy drama. The parents of a teenage boy with the uncanny ability to transform into Bruce Willis at any moment struggle to keep their family together. Cameo from Jason Statham as ‘Youth’ Willis. ‘What'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis?’ Answer: ‘Willis’.

Potato Pancake (PG) – A chance visit to a local cafe goes spectacularly right for hash brown-loving Cody Mudbone (Danny Dyer) and his deaf father (Neil Morrissey) in this absorbing non-action drama.

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Game of the Day

Debacle (Windows Extreme ‘95)
Mis-management sim. Do you have what it takes to make things go from bad to worse? Earn points by jumping to conclusions, using overt discrimination and ignoring good advice. Contains almost four unique game scenarios including: paper cup shortage, lost in translation, toddler with a handgun, and no more scenarios. (submitted by Cactus Bear)

Monday, 11 April 2011

The history behind London’s landmarks

Coin Laundry, 1871 – present

Coin Laundry is a north London landmark with a remarkable history which has well and truly stood the test of time.

Named after its founder Teddy Coin, Britain’s best-loved laundrette on Fortess Road in Kentish Town was opened in 1871 after Coin’s home was destroyed by a fire the previous year. Having had all of his possessions scorched in the blaze, Coin established the business in a not-so-elaborate ruse to steal customers’ clothes.

London at this time was negotiated primarily by dog 'n' barrow, with Coin making use of the city’s strays to fetch the water required to launder the clothes. The hounds were instructed to collect the water from the Thames and manoeuvre it safely back through the cobbled streets to the laundrette. Coin drove a hard bargain, and any spillages were known to have resulted in docked wages and the loss of life.

During World War II, the shop was bombed fifty times, forcing Coin to relocate to a shelter inside Kentish Town underground station. There it is said he tirelessly washed an estimated five million pairs of long-johns, all at very reasonable rates. Coin’s efforts were rewarded when, in 1948, King Andrew 3000 presented him with an MBE for ‘Services to Laundering’.

On Tuesday 8th February 1966, Coin Laundry unveiled the country’s first ‘chocolate washer’, a device specially designed to withstand heavily soiled underwear. The assembled press packed the laundrette to witness Barbara Windsor be the first to try out the machine, which broke down repeatedly before eventually returning a pair of almost spotless knickers to their expressionless owner.

The mid-1980s saw Coin Laundry provide the set to a big-budget Pepe jeans television advert. In the advert, a handsome man enters a laundrette to the tune of Dead or Alive’s ‘You Spin Me Round’ and, in front of the other customers, calmly strips to his Y-fronts and puts his jeans in the washing machine. The glamorous ad helped sales of jeans to rocket and made a star of its leading man, Denis Norden.

Teddy Coin was the subject of This is Your Life in 1993, where he famously stormed out after believing that Michael Aspel had implied he had a drink problem. Coin hit back, telling Aspel he was a “nobody”, who “hardly had a life”, leaving several members of the audience visibly shaken and upset.

Despite having barely changed in 140 years, Coin Laundry remains a pillar of the community. Locals often meet there for a chat and a kiss, while the shop has also witnessed a number of births, marriages and deaths, most notably the emergency delivery of Dave Benson Phillips in 1965.

Walk into Coin Laundry today and you’ll be greeted by a familiar sight. As requested in his will, Teddy Coin's body was preserved and stored in a glass-fronted wooden cabinet after his death from liver failure in 2002. It is kept on public display at the front of the laundrette next to two laminated A4 paper notices, the first of which reads, ‘Teddy can take up to 3 loads’, while the second says, ‘Get out of my laundrette', with 'Only kidding!’ appearing underneath - a fitting testament to a real character and true visionary of our time.